What am I aiming for…

Excellence

Is the result of caring more than others think is wise

Risking more than others think is safe

Dreaming more than others think is practical

And expecting more than others think is possible

Why…

There are some things that are so hard to figure out. There are those things that are obvious. And then, there are those things that we'll never know until eternity – if we actually get to know then or not – I am not sure. But regardless of the theology behind that statement, some things happen with apparent randomness and they cause major frustration. (possibly the personal response and the handling of those events is the real answer to "why…")

Let's go back a bit.

In June 2008, Tim wanted a car. We found a car – 1990 Toyota Corolla with some hot tires and a cool stereo and a sound engine. Not to pretty but reliable.

Within a month – it had been broken into and the stereo was stolen. Broken dash plates and such with no insurance on this since it was such an old car. We get a window and replace it on our own: $35. Soon, someone traded Tim time and sweat for a stereo. A really nice one.

Then – the exhaust system gets a major hole ($135), the tie rods fall apart ($200) and the rear strut needs replaced ($100) al just to get Tim back to school in Ohio. The car remains parked because there is no gas money to run around now (reference above $$$) and so it is only used on Sunday to go to church and back.

Today – 8:00 AM – Tim calls and says the driver side window is smashed in and the stereo is gone (again). His question – "Why? I have been good. I didn't do anything." My answer… you know – the dad perfect and right answer that covers all the questions your child asks… you know, the "pastoral" answer that suddenly makes the situation perfectly clear in the plan of God…you know, the manly answer that allows the friend to find the resolve to continue since there really is a plan…

My answer… "I don't know, Tim. I just don't know."

I wish I did. I wish I could help. I wish I could fix it. I wish I could protect him from having to experience the lessons of life. I wish I could hug him right now.

He is frustrated, discouraged and five hours away. And he is my son.

Why?

Get Out…

I wish I wasn't so mean.

Several years back, when the kids were little, we were driving along with all four of them in the van and having one of those moments that parents have. One of my sons (age 6 or so) was mad about something and would not listen to reason or advice. As the argument between a 30 year old dad and his 6 year old kid escalated – my son muttered, "I wish I wasn't even part of this family anymore." Well, after a couple more exchanges, he shouted it at me.

Wrong thing to do… I yanked the car over to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes at the same time. As we came to a skidding stop alongside the shoulder of the road, I reached back behind my wife's seat to the sliding door handle, yanked the handle and slammed the door back. There he sat at the open door looking from that to me with a questioning look.

"Fine, if you don't want to be part of this family then you don't have to. Get out. Go ahead. Get out right now! If you don't want to listen to me when I talk then we can end this right here. Get out of MY car and find a family that you DO want to be a part of," says the loving and caring father of a suddenly terrified six year old boy.

His face froze. He looked to the door, looked back at me and then at the door again. When he looked back at me the last time, he broke into tears and begged me not to make him get out.

You would think at that point that a loving father would melt. Oh no. Not me. I just continued to drill him and let him know that as long as he was part of this family (if he chose to stay) that he would listen, honor and obey me. "Do you understand?"

As he cried and nodded, I told him to close the door. So he stayed. I looked over to my wife as we pulled back on the road. She was looking straight ahead. I looked to the other kids in the car. Stone faces. No expressions. Hmmmm.

I wish I wasn't so mean.

To this day, we laugh about that – in fact, every once and a while one of the kids will say in their deepest scariest voice "GET OUT". It provokes outbursts of laughter now – but it wasn't so funny then. Eventually, I felt horrible.

I am so glad that I will never, ever hear the words "GET OUT" from my Father in heaven.

Hebrews 13:5-6 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." {6} So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

I am a pretty bad example of a loving father sometimes but God is the perfect Father that receives us back – even when we are bad – as long as we return to Him.

Return to Him today – He will never reject you. (and never make you get out of the van)